i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
