just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
