i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
