It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
