I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
