a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
