So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
