I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
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I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
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I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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