I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
