there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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