somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
