DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I wanna passion pit in your ass
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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