the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
