yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
