Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
