"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
