I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
