I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
