Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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