I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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