Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize