I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
