i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
