This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
