i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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