Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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