I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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