I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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