Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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