There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
