Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
