I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
