Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize