woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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