hotel room ftw
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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