I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
