please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
