see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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