at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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