he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
