I got chris browned last night
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
