spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
it's like iHOP with fire
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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