That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
