I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
