he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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