We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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