TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
