The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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