Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
