highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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