Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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