Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
