I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
