Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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