She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
