This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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