Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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