How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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