highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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