I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
