Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
