my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
one two three fourrrrnication!
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
