the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
