toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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